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Should Managers Bring Their Whole Selves to Work?
According to Lisa Rosh, a management professor at the Sy Syms School of Business at Yeshiva University, leaders sharing personal information with their subordinates can build greater trust and stronger communication with their teams — if they get self-disclosure just right.
On an HBR On Leadership podcast, she said that leaders who are too comfortable talking about themselves — and others — at work may struggle to gain teams’ trust. Others reluctant to share anything come across as remote and inaccessible.
For “effective self-disclosure,” leaders, she said, “must be genuine,” noting how embellishing stories “to fit the situation” risks permanently eroding trust. Secondly, self-disclosure “must fit and further the task at hand.” Rosh elaborated, “That means it must include the timing, the substance, and the process. It must help the task. It cannot be for promoting oneself or fulfilling one’s need for approval.”
A global survey by Dayforce of over 8,700 employees taken last fall found that only 48% agreed their organization empathizes with employees. Among those who disagreed, 90% of them said that leaders exhibiting more empathy to employees would positively impact their work lives. This includes:
- Improving job satisfaction (52%)
- Improving job performance (39%)
- Improving mental health or levels of burnout (48%)
A Wall Street Journal article published last year noted that the pandemic made workers more comfortable talking about issues such as burnout and impostor syndrome.
“A performance conversation can turn into a mental-health conversation at the drop of a hat,” Dane Jensen, CEO of leadership development firm Third Factor, told the WSJ. “Leaders can say, ‘That makes me uncomfortable.’ Tough. It’s going to happen, and you have to get used to it.”
Still, pushback has arrived against the trend, with some seeing those who regularly overshare personal details about their lives risking discrimination, potentially creating conflicts or jealousies with co-workers and reducing their ability to stay focused at work.
Cheryl Hanson, a district manager with human resources solutions provider Insperity, told Fox Business, “Oversharing at work can undermine professionalism, contribute to burnout and even make some employees feel uncomfortable.”
The WSJ article noted that those less established in their leadership roles face greater risks talking about emotional health with colleagues than those “who have proved themselves or achieved a measure of power.”
In a column for Fast Company, Tomas Chamorro-Premuzic, chief innovation officer at ManpowerGroup, wrote that the more a manager knows about someone’s private life, the more likely they’ll be biased either against or in favor of the individual, undermining team inclusivity. He also said that many co-workers are seeking separation between their work and home lives and are looking for managers to help them accomplish that goal.
“A great boss is neither your best friend nor your psychotherapist,” said Chamorro-Premuzic. “They are committed to getting the best out of their team, which requires a solid understanding of how you fit in, what functional and psychological role you play, and how to improve your performance.”
Discussion Questions
Do you see more benefits than risks in sharing personal information in the workplace?
Do you agree that managers reluctant to share can come off as “remote and inaccessible” to the detriment of team building?
What advice would you give around setting boundaries on what to share?
Poll
Loading …BrainTrust
Doug Garnett
President, Protonik
Arnjah Dillard
North America Retail Practice Lead, Stibo Systems
I really struggle with a lot of these academic studies. Too many of them take vague areas and spin them into concepts and principles that are very nebulous and a bit meaningless. How about managers just exercise common sense? For example, gossiping about others is obviously a no-go area. So too is oversharing every detail about personal lives. However, being genuine, approachable and decent is critical. And there is nothing wrong with sharing basic personal details if the opportunity and occasion is right. We are all human beings after all!
I’m going to make this response “personal,” because this is a topic in which I mentor, teach, interview, write, and speak about. In one word . . transparency. The driver for me is self-actualization. When I’m transparent, I can remember what I said, and when others are transparent, I trust them, and vice versa, of course.
My belief in transparency at work, is not recommended in any corporate handbook I ever read. In corporations, we are taught to leave all personal matters outside the office, avoid close relationships at work, especially with subordinates, and never bring any matters at home to the office. The latter is a good practice except when a matter outside the office is affecting your disposition inside the office, and that’s when transparency is better than any alternatives. What’s important though is not to make your matters at home become a problem for people at work. Transparency though helps to avoid that.
In regards to bringing your whole self to work, if you are self-actualized, the you are always who you are, and bring that whole “you” to the workplace is natural, and it breeds trust and credibility. I never met anyone who prefers or works better with contrived, dishonest, secretive, or complicated people, rather than real people who are self-actualized, real, and true. So, I always strongly recommend being who you really are at your work place. If who you really are doesn’t fit the workplace, time will catch up with you anyway.
Most human resource “experts,” will advise us not to get too close with people at work, especially outside the office, and especially with subordinates. But when we’re self actualized and transparent, and always our whole selves, friendships not only won’t detract from accomplishments, they will enhance success. Who doesn’t work better with someone they like, trust, and really know, rather than the opposite?
Friendships breed honesty and trust, especially when you don’t compromise your true objectives and goals at work, for anyone or anytime at work, and when even your closest friends at work, are well aware that’s who you are. And they will know that because you are real, self-actualized, and transparent, and always your whole self whether at work, or in social settings.
Should you hire close friends to work for you in the office? Experts will say no, but I have done it a hundred times, and have enjoyed success, because I’m honest enough to admit that I work better with people I like, know and trust, and vice versa.
We live and work in a society today where people are scared to death of being their “whole selves” in the workplace, and that’s a counter productive, unnatural, uncomfortable reality. Have you ever thought about that if everyone was taught and encouraged to be “real,” how unthreatening the work place would be? People would actually look forward to Mondays. – Db
Amen, brother. When I think back to the days when I’d bring a “beard” to company holiday party because I couldn’t quite admit I was living with another woman, I’m so glad those days are gone. And I declared my life panty-hose free sometime in the 90’s.
You MUST be who you are. Everyone else is taken, as Mr. Wilde said.
Gee…thanks! I think by just right we mean “sufficient to get the job done, but no more”; so if an employee’s family pet has just died, a shared anecdote might be in order (to the extent that this is a work issue). I’m hesitant to recommend more: while we don’t want mangers to be ‘standoffish’, I think the danger of being a buddy – more than a manager – is a very real one for many people…or even worse, being more of a buddy to some employees than others. So given the choice, I’ll go with under-sharing.
How about this. Managers should be human and understand that each employee is also human. But we don’t share everything with everyone as humans. We also don’t need social science studies of the issue. Humans have excellent instincts for the complexity of relationships – at least managers should. Sorting out what works depends on the specific individuals and specific situation. There are no universal answers.
I could not agree more! There’s a big dose of over-analyzing and over-thinking here!
In retail operations especially, it just doesn’t need to be any more complex than this.
This may be an age divide where the younger worker knows everything about their peers through social media and the Gen X/Boomers are more guarded with limited personal history at everyones touch. While I applaude being more “human” at work and letting your guard down when appropriate, it is a slippery slope and can be deemed a weakness to C-suite members.
I would never want a boss who thought that sharing personal information is some kind of substitute for the attributes a boss really needs to have. Bosses need to be a little humble and a lot honest. Focused on the task at hand. Good planners and great prioritizers. Good evaluators of the range of skill sets within the team. Resilient. Both demanding and forgiving. Managers are coaches, teachers and disciplinarians. That requires a delicate balance of familiarity and distance. Over sharing can easily complicate things more than they already are.
In retail, working with store teams and the front line, being a distant boss or one who gives orders without showing respect won’t work, unless you don’t care about employee turnover or customer experience. It’s important to be accessible and human if you want people to buy in, to execute every day. They are the ones who deliver on great looking stores, who interact with customers the most.
There’s a fine line in sharing personal and home life as boss or employee. Common sense foundation is for the other to know you have a home life, you love your pets, have hobbies, and want to see the other persons success at the company.
Sharing personal information in the workplace can foster trust and enhance team cohesion, essential for effective collaboration and communication. Maintaining a balance between transparency and discretion is crucial to preserve professionalism and prevent biases. Leaders must be judicious, sharing only relevant information that adds value to interactions and avoids oversharing personal details that could lead to discomfort or misinterpretations. An approachable demeanor, without compromising professional boundaries, helps create a more open and inclusive environment, fostering productivity and team spirit.
Leaders should establish clear boundaries on what personal anecdotes or experiences to share, ensuring they are directly relevant to the team’s objectives. The aim should be to create a supportive environment where personal information enhances understanding and empathy, rather than serving personal agendas.
I feel sharing personal information humanizes interactions and deepens connections, which are vital for personal growth and professional development. It promotes a sense of community and belonging, though it requires mindfulness about the context and the audience to ensure it remains constructive. I value authenticity and believe that appropriate self-disclosure can demystify leadership roles and make them more accessible, enhancing team comfort and engagement. It’s essential to balance openness with personal privacy, sharing insights that motivate and inspire without overstepping personal boundaries. Through practices like daily affirmations on social media or during training sessions, I like to provide insights that empower others while maintaining professionalism and supportiveness. #SharingCanBeCaring